FAREWELL TO A DEAR FRIEND (GOODBYE JOSIE)

This is probably the most difficult article I would ever have to write in my life. I dreaded the day when I would finally be saying goodbye to my best friend. This is a very grueling task as I am actually choking with emotion now and the tears blinding my eyes make it even more tedious to write, but I'm doing this for Josie.

Josie and I joined SMC almost at the same time. She was ahead of me by only two weeks. After a few months, Manny Senoran joined the company and the three of us became very close friends. Josie was with our Typing Pool (Ayala days), and with our Beer Section (Ortigas days). She was a very jolly person and sometimes even the most simple things would make us laugh. We also had many things in common which  drew us closer together. She migrated to the US and Manny went to work in Saudi Arabia. Despite the distance, our communication lines remained open,  and we regularly updated each other on our respective activities. Josie and I would communicate thru email every single day.

Sometime in January 2007, I was worried because all of a sudden she stopped replying to my email. Then I received an email from Lu, a friend of hers in San Francisco, that Josie was at the ICU of Kaiser Hospital. At that time I did not know Lu personally, but she said she knew me very well because Josie would always talk about me.She said Josie underwent tracheostomy and since that fateful day, she lost the ability to speak. She stayed at the hospital for a long time. When she was finally allowed to go home, she would again write to me and this went on everyday. The only time I would not receive an email from her was when she was back at the hospital. So every time there was no email, I would worry because it meant only one thing, she was at the ICU again. It would be Lu (upon Josie's request) who would update me. Each time I got an email from Lu, it would take a while before I would open it because I was afraid it might be something negative about Josie.
 
For the past couple of years, she was in pain most of the time. She would tell me that she was already tired of the suffering and pain, and wished it would end soon. She told me her arms were already black and blue as a result of the needles that the nurses inserted for various tests and procedures done on her.

It breaks my heart to hear these words from her. Plus the fact that she was miles away and I could not be by her side  to take care of her. How ironic that when some of our SMC Accounting friends were confined in the hospital, I got to visit and cheer them up, something I wasn't able to do with Josie because she was in Daly City. I tried to console her by telling her not to lose hope for God and Mama Mary would never abandon her. And she would listen to me. I remember the time she was scheduled for a visit with her doctor and she was so afraid because she knew they would be inserting tubes and needles again. I advised her to try something that I always do whenever I visit a doctor or a dentist, and that is to imagine that Jesus is holding one of my hands while Mama Mary is holding the other. Every time I do this, I only feel a minimal amount of pain because I know they are enduring a big part of it for me. The next day, she wrote to me and she was very happy to tell me that it worked because she did not feel any pain at all.

She would often tell me that it was only my email and articles from my blog that would cheer her up. I tried to be strong for her but deep inside I was breaking down. She would open up to me all her problems, fears and insecurities, which I cannot share with you because they were said in strictest confidence, and as a result of which, I will keep under lock and key for the rest of my life.

She would only be happy every time I tell her that we would be having an Accounting reunion. She would get excited and tell me how she wished she could attend. She would ask me to post pictures so she can see our colleagues. I would do that every time and she would be so happy to see familiar faces.

About two months ago, she stopped replying to my email because she was once again taken to the ICU of Kaiser Hospital. Lu said this was the weakest she had seen Josie so far, and I had a feeling the inevitable was near. I get regular updates from Lu. Last Nov. 29 she got an anointing. Two days ago the doctor asked her siblings to be with her at the hospital. I prayed that as much as I still wanted her to live, I leave it all up to God now. If HE thinks it is time that she should rest because 5 years is a long time of suffering, then HIS will be done. I also prayed that if ever she has to go, I hope it would be on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. My prayer was granted. Mama Mary took Josie under her care on the morning of Dec. 8. And even though I knew it was bound to happen, when I got the news from Lu, there was still that piercing pain in my heart. We could never really be prepared for a loved one's death. It's a good thing I got an overseas call from Manny. He was checking on me because he knew I was crying. That phone call helped ease the grief somehow. Thank you Manny.

In what would be Josie's last email to me, she told me " Alam mo, marami akong kin-wento sa iyo." I was surprised and asked her how, because we haven't communicated for a while ever since she was taken back to ICU. She answered, " sa isip ko at sa puso ko nag kwe-kwento ako sa iyo".  Oh my God, I'm crying again.

Goodbye Josie. I will miss you. I will miss our friendship that spanned for 33 years. I will miss our everyday exchange of email. I thank GOD for having shared you with us, with me most especially. Thank you for the friendship. Thank you for loving me.Thank you for being the sister I never had. We'll see each other again, I just don't know when because everything happen's in GOD's time. When that time comes, I know you'll have a lot of stories to share with me because you will be able to speak once again.

Take a rest now my dearest friend. God has set you free from all the pain that held you captive for a long time.